I heard a pastor on Christian television saying today that “women are multipliers” – explaining, that they make much of whatever they are given.

I immediately thought of the skill my daughter has to design spaces and things, given very little – literal scraps. But I didn’t think of her, because she is a she; I thought of that skill she has, which is not one I have at all.

And I thought of our son. He multiplies in his own way. Yes, he’s a good builder, but when I think of him multiplying, I think of how he remembers what I ask him to do, how he remembers to do things routinely without being told again. That’s multiplying to me. It’s redemption – of time. That I don’t have to repeat lessons saves time and allows us the freedom to use time in new and more efficient ways. I think that behavior is more relevant and revelatory regarding my son’s identity than his gender. His middle child status tells you more about him and his behavior than his gender.

Now, I’m neither an expert in gender studies, nor am I suggesting that I believe there are no differences between people based upon gender; if science tells us anything, it tells us gender is a genetic difference of chromosomal proportion. And, sticking to my focus on Jay Jones: Mom-A-Gram, I have witnessed communication differences.

Women like to talk more and differently. Our need in relationships is to be heard – fully and compassionately, not necessarily for guidance or advice. Men like to solve problems. They like answers at the end of talking. But of course, that’s a generalization (as it must needs be; who can be an expert and precise about every topic?).

Women might like to be “girly,” but not in the same ways: Some of us like makeup and shoes and handbags and dresses. Some of us (read: Jay Jones) just like shoes. For someone like me, makeup is for weddings, special occasions and, otherwise, consists of lip balm.

My son likes typical boy colors and activities. My oldest is kind of a princess. But my youngest – so far (another girl is on her way in August) – likes things that people say she should and shouldn‘t like. There’s a few things that I don’t want her doing and a few things I don’t want my son doing – that is, based upon gender. But I can count those things on one hand, and “boy” and “girl” is not the way I primarily understand my children.

I learn my children, as I’ve said before: their interests; their ways of communicating; the paradigms that guide whether and how they share information with me; their developing worldviews; their talents and strengths; their reading habits and reading material… There are a millions things to see, puzzle pieces to put in place. And the puzzle of the children with whom God has rewarded us has so many pieces, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to count them all!

It’s important to learn to really see our children – not through any false filters like political correctness or cultural norms… We have to avoid seeing them through or as ourselves, too. The only good filter is the identity they have in Jesus Christ, if they have life and freedom through faith in His name.